Regret
by bluefurcape
Summary: She was the worst.


Regret.

Sakura was slumped over the counter of the seediest dive bar she could find. The bar didn't even have a name, just a flickering neon sign over the door that read, "BAR." Straight. To the point. Get drunk here and forget the shit going on in the outside world.

The jukebox crooned a slow song, the kind that sounded as if the singer herself had forgotten the words, lilting and fading in husky whispers. A sour stench of vomit or old booze permeated the area, with undertones of stale cigarette smoke. The only person anyone in the room bothered speaking to was the bar tender, and even then, no one ever met each other's eyes as glasses of questionably cheap liquor were poured out, drained, then poured again.

Sakura vaguely registered a man sighing as he came to stand beside her. Her head felt too heavy for her to lift, so she rolled it to the side, flattening her cheek against the grimy surface of the counter. A stupid laugh burbled out of her as she recognized Kakashi. Of all the people that could have shown up tonight, it was her emotionally unavailable teacher who had always thought she was a disappointment. Fuck, had she called him too? Then again, at this point, she wouldn't be surprised if a member of ANBU showed up to take her out for blabbing about village secrets. A lot of what had transpired in the past few hours was a black memory.

"Senseiiiii," she whined. She didn't ask him how he found her, instead, she slung her body at him like marionette whose strings had been cut. "I'm divorced!"

The papers had gone through today. Stamped and sealed. Sasuke wasn't even in the village when it happened. She had his copy to send to him, but she didn't even know where he was. A year ago she had said to him that this was what she wanted, but it hadn't been, really. She just wanted to know what he would do if she asked. After six years of being married, six years of cold beds, careless obligatory sex, and lonely nights, it had been her final, desperate cry for help.

If only he had thrown the papers back in her face, demanding to know why she was asking in the first place. If only he raised his voice in anger so that she could yell and scream like she wanted to.

Instead, he nodded.

Instead, he agreed that it was for the best.

Sakura clutched the front of Kakashi's shirt and sobbed, her shoulders shaking violently. Her ragged nails dug into the flesh beneath the cloth. Her crying turned to a hysterical laugh…then soft hiccups before she snarled, "Why the fuck are you here?" All of the venom that had been roiling inside of her for the past year rose out of her in those few words and Kakashi was just the person unlucky enough to take it.

"Come on," he said. He slipped her arm around his shoulders, propping her up.

She fought him, briefly, but his gloved hand on her wrist wouldn't budge. Her famous chakra control failed her now. She probably didn't even have the strength to lift a chair over her head and smash it into the window, as she imagined for a fast second. She was helpless as he dragged her out into the chilly night, and hissing at him was her final resort. "Let go of me, bastard. I don't need your help."

He didn't answer her, leading them down the street as if he couldn't hear the savage stream of insults pouring from her lips.

"You decrepit asshole. Don't try to act like you fucking care now," she said. "Hey. Hey! Are you listening to me?" If she could have mustered enough focus to bite him and escape like a feral animal, she would have.

Her temper was short-lived. When she noticed that he was dragging her back to her own empty home, she went limp, begging not to go there with snot and tears running down her face. He sighed and changed course for his apartment instead.

She stumbled through his door even before he did, tripping on her own feet and getting up before he could help her again, then making a beeline for his bathroom where she threw up in the toilet. She thought she felt the brush of gentle fingers holding back her hair, but when she straightened again and collapsed against the tile floor, she was alone.

Pathetic. Useless. Bitch.

She staggered onto her feet, using the sink to support herself. The effort it took stole her breath. The mirror showed her reflection and she was tempted to smash her fist into her own face. Just to feel the shards cut into her knuckles. Watch the image of herself shatter into pieces.

She yanked off her top, tossing it, her bra following after, along with her skirt and panties. She turned slowly, studying herself coldly in the mirror. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Kakashi in the open doorway of the bathroom.

His expression didn't flicker as he handed her a glass of water. "Drink this."

She did. Then she threw it up. He got her another glass.

Later, she was curled up against his side on the couch, still naked, tears dripping from her face onto her bare skin as they stared at the television together. The shows made no sense. She didn't even know what they were watching. The blue light flickered over them like the light that filtered down through water.

She somehow managed to fall asleep and when she opened her eyes again, Kakashi had turned off the television and was moving to put a blanket over her.

She noticed his mask wasn't there. He was attractive enough, though if she was being honest, not as handsome as Sasuke. She remembered thinking earlier that night that if she fucked Naruto, it would get back to her ex-husband eventually. The ugly idea reared its head that fucking their former teacher would be just as bad. She wasn't even sure if it would work. Sasuke was the only man she'd ever slept with—because she was stupid and so damn _loyal_ to him, even when he didn't give two shits about her.

Kakashi grunted in surprise when she shoved him onto the couch and began to fumble with the drawstrings of his pants. He tried to pry her hands away. "Sakura—no—"

Giving her water and letting her recover from the alcohol was his mistake. She was stronger than him now. He jolted the moment she slipped his soft cock into her mouth. She took secret delight in the fact that his dick was bigger than Sasuke's.

When he was halfway to an erection, she ran her lips along his length, locking eyes with him, murmuring, "Are you still saying no?"

"This is a bad idea," he replied through gritted teeth.

"The worst idea." She took his hand which had been gripping the armrest and locked it into her hair. "But I need this. Please."

"Sakura…" There was hesitation in his voice, but all she could focus on was the edge of desire. The last thread of control that was barely hanging on.

She didn't give him a chance to argue or think about it more, taking him deep into her throat. His hips jerked up in an involuntary response and a moan strangled out of him. She relished listening to his breathing grow ragged between the sounds of him losing his mind, increasing her pace when she felt that he was too quiet. She loved that he repeated her name, again and again, telling her that there was no one else right now that he was thinking of, but her. Only her.

Her gaze flickered up to watch him come. She was so unused to seeing his full face that she almost felt as if she was giving a blowjob to a stranger. However, when the red of the sharingan pierced through the darkness, there was no doubt who he was.

He dragged a hand down his face, covering the lower half. She sat back on her heels, wiping her mouth on her arm, considering him. His shirt had been shoved up, although she didn't remember doing that, exposing his torso all the way down. His rib cage expanded and retracted as he caught his breath.

This was the man who had saved her when she had been too young and scared to fight. He had been the first to notice her talent in chakra control. They had been comrades in battle, side by side, and this is what she had done to him.

"I-I'm sorry," she said, her voice breaking suddenly. She pulled her knees into her chest, curling herself in a tight ball, unable to stop the torrent of tears.

To her surprise, she felt him position his arms beneath her and lift her, carrying her into his room. He placed her on his bed and tucked the covers around her. When he made to leave, her hand shot out, snagging his sleeve. He turned to look back at her.

"I won't do anything else. I promise," she whispered.

He smoothed back her hair, sitting on the edge of the bed. "I'm not afraid of that."

She moved back on the mattress, giving him space to join her. There was a brief moment of hesitation where she believed that he might not, but he accepted the invitation and laid back on top of the blanket.

"You think I'm terrible, don't you?" she asked, turning to him. She knew that it was what everyone thought of her. They just never had the decency to tell it to her face. The fake, smiling faces and reassurances turned her stomach. "Just tell me the truth."

"No," was his answer from the darkness.

"Liar." Her lip curled, but she didn't bother trying to force his real feelings from him. She hid her face in Kakashi's shoulder as she confessed, "It's my fault that Sasuke left. I pushed him too hard. He saw exactly what a desperate idiot I was being and was sick of it."

"I don't know about that."

"You don't know anything."

"That's probably true."

"Kakashi, just tell me I'm horrible. That I'm the worst." If he had not already been thinking it, then tonight would have shown him exactly that.

"Okay. You're horrible and the worst."

"Fuck!" Hot tears pricked her eyes. She knew he was messing with her, but hearing it out loud… "You asshole."

He hummed, brushing away the tears. "Why do you want me to hurt you?"

He should hurt her because she deserved it. She had used him for her petty revenge against a man who didn't care. A good person wouldn't do that.

However, she didn't have the energy to explain her thesis on her own awfulness. "Because I suck," she summarized.

"Mhm. Just try to get some sleep. I'll insult you in the morning if you still feel that way. All right?"

"Fine." She sniffled, her eyes already closing. "Good night."

"Good night." A pair of warm lips kissed her forehead.

"…Thank you."


End file.
